live love.

day 4

i almost forgot about the whole trying to blog for a week straight thing today…
fortunately i had the word blog written and circled on a piece of paper on my ever cluttered desk that managed to see light and make eye contact with me.

i used to use post it notes, which i loved, but i ran out so i have turned to just using whole pieces of blank white paper.  i have often been criticized for being a waster of paper. i say we probably have too many trees so i might as well. burn more coal. i don’t buy any of this green eco friendly stuff. i believe in using our resources wisely yes, but not to the extent that we don’t use them. anyways rather than rant and rave about the environment i shall continue on.

let’s see.
tomorrow looks to be busy.
9am play some ball down at bethel.
after that drop some video and get started on a video my buddy’s class project.
about 2 o clock i need to get over to bethel again to set up some stuff for winter casual wonderland. that will begin at 3 and be done about 7 30.
when i get home it will be time for me to most likely build a keynote for sunday school then hammer out that video project.
busy but should be fun.

with that i would like to let you know that has become extremely windy outside.
also i think i am going to go take a shower.
in warm. then towel dry and possibly lightly lotion.
also, lifting weights today made me feel huge even though i am not.
it’s a good feeling. i need to lift more often and more consistently.
–
live love.
breathe surrender.
with reckless abandon.

day 3.

i have come to realize i am very judgmental.
i judge people all the time.
often without even thinking about it.
before i know it i am thinking critical or negative thoughts about a person.
i do this with people i know and even with complete strangers i see at a store.
i have no right to judge.
i am too messed of a human being to judge even the worst of humanity.
only God has the right to judge.

Father, forgive me for judging.
forgive me for even thinking that i am in some way better or above another one of your creation. creation that You made in Your very image. forgive me for judging something that You called good.
may i learn to be judged.
may i learn to be teachable.
may i learn to be reproved.
may i live for You and Your cause.
may i love for You and Your cause.
may i not waste my life.
may You be exalted in what i do and how i live.
may i daily on a minute by minute basis breathe surrender.
thanks Lord for being patient and forgiving.
thanks Lord for even knowing my name.
i love You because You first loved me.
–
live love.
breathe surrender.
with reckless abandon.

day 2.

e. lock gave us this quote tonight and it got me thinking and writing on the back of a tithing envelope.

“a man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell. ”
c.s lewis

the quote isn’t complicated. yet extremely deep.
it’s simple. yet profound.

it is impossible for me to do anything to increase or decrease God’s glory.
there is nothing i can do to change God in any way shape or form.
my worship or lack of worship does not change God.
whether i choose to breathe surrender every day or not does not change the fact that God will be glorified. He will be.
although nothing i do actually changes Him or His plan, He has allowed for us to take part. He has allowed us the privilege of being instruments in His plan. He has  given us the opportunity to worship Him and take part in glorifying Him. the bible says even the rocks cry out, whether we do or not God will be praised but He has allowed us the joy and privilege of doing so.

there is something amazing and rewarding in the fact that God lets us a be a part of His plan of redemption. this is probably a poor analogy but it is what first came to my mind. it is like being a fan at a basketball game. sure you yell, you cheer, you heckle, you boo the refs, whatever, but in the end you really have nothing to do with whether the team wins or loses. it comes down to the players on the court. (granted home crowd advantage can help swing momentum which is where this analogy breaks down.) but none the less as a fan you were a part of that victory or that loss. you were invested in the cause of the game. i think it is similar to God and redemption. He does all the work, all the redeeming, yet he allows us to be a part of it all. He chooses to use us in His cause.

when i think of how small i am. how miniscule. how insignificant i am i wonder why God bothers to use us. i can’t effect anything but i am offered the chance to be a part of something far greater than myself. unfortunately i do not take the offer often enough. sadly i choose to sit and watch rather than take part. God not only has given me the chance but desires that i be a part of His redemption and here i am saying no on multiple occasions. tell me that doesn’t make any sense. tell me i am out of my mind.

God, i’m crazy. i must be human.
Lord, i’m inconsistent. i try and serve two masters.
Creator, i’m a rebel against what You intended.
Savior, i’m forever in debt.

–
live love.
breathe surrender.
with reckless abandon.

as far as i can tell it has been 21 days since my last post.
far too long for my own good.
blogging. writing. was meant to keep me on track. keep me focused.
but i have let myself just say i’ll do it soon, and soon never comes.
i’ve become the same way with many spiritual disciplines.
so here is another attempt at one week straight.
a blog post a day for 7 days in a row.
i’ve done it once before, though barely.

quite a bit i suppose has actually happened since the last time i posted a general update.
let’s start with school.
so far so good. senior yr. class of 09. graduating class of cinco.
the nice thing though about having such a small class is the unique relationship i have been able to build with each other senior over the last few years.
i really can say i wouldn’t want to graduate with any other group of people.
senior pictures is another plus to small school, small class.
i think i had more fun talking cameras with the photographer than actually taking the pictures but it was still fun. i love the color and composition of the shots. it just furthered my interest and dream to work in the world of art, photography and video.
as far as classes go…precal, ehh…physics, same thing…government is pretty chill, ap econ starts in december and should be interesting, english is same old same old, speech class is pretty much a breeze, and yearbook well hopefully the whole thing gets done, but even if doesn’t the  few pages we do finish will look pretty good i think.

the other week i ran a mile and a half. more than i had run distance wise in about 7 months due to whatever was wrong with my shins. (thought they were shin splints but my volleyball coach doesn’t think so cause it was hurting in the wrong place)
i had been playing spring league and summer league for basketball and after tourney’s my shins would sometimes hurt so running the distance was a good test.
so far so good my shins didn’t hurt, so i think i’m going to give running to the gym for practice a shot when the time comes.

the application process for colleges i have decided is one of those necessary evils.
a pain but needed. i qualified for this elc student thing with the uc system which basically means they looked at my grades over the summer and said i’m on track for being accepted. in the last couple months i have gotten letters from ucsd, ucsb, and uc davis inviting me to apply, a post card from uc riverside saying i’m accepted and i just need to apply, and a letter just the other day from uci saying i am guaranteed admission to most majors and asking me to apply. so my plan thus far is to apply at ucsd and uci. with it looking like uci may very well be my choice of school. i still am planning to apply at chapman but it looks like i will miss the early application date and will have to apply for the january date. even if accepted there i’m leaning towards a uc because of how much cheaper it will be. a uc will be approximately 10 grand cheaper than chapman, granted chapman is still some what of a dream of mine, but i think chapman may be a good option for grad work or the such.

as an aside i let my permit expire right before school started…and didn’t have time to get it again at a time available for my parents to sign so….come january i’m (Lord willing) going to get my permit again as a 18 year old and shortly thereafter try and get my license.

well that turned out to be much longer than i originally envisioned and alot more random and scattered as well. forgive any spelling errors. i’m trying to get back into it.
pray that i post again tomorrow, and the day after till i have posted for 7 straight.
–
live love.
breathe surrender.
with reckless abandon.

i have put my fat bird on t-shirts now.

they can be ordered here: http://www.cafepress.com/myfatbird

–

live love.

tape me up
seal me good
get me in the largest strait jacket you can find
pad the locks
throw away the keys
swallow the combo
wrap me up

i need prevention, some intervention
for my actions bring you pain
my words destroying all the same
i break the golden rule
i speak when there’s nothing nice to say
i display the ever unkind
i live the epitome of hurt
all i do is hurt

pass the grey duct
tape my mouth so its ever sealed shut
better yet cut some string
sew this cursed thing
sew those lips and lock up my tongue
it shall be prisoner forever
and hopefully set me free

i need prevention, some intervention
for my actions bring you pain
my words destroying all the same
i break the golden rule
i speak when there’s nothing nice to say
i display the ever unkind
i live the epitome of hurt
all i do is hurt

lock it up
seal it shut
free me, free me from this evil thing
all it does is cause you pain
all it does is bring you down
all it does is things not right

i need prevention, some intervention
for my actions bring you pain
my words destroying all the same
i break the golden rule
i speak when there’s nothing nice to say
i display the ever unkind
i live the epitome of hurt
all i do is hurt