live love. » poems

6 of 7…sick of the disease…

tim — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 04:23:20 +0000

i’m sick, sick
sick of the disease
the disease of being born
born into this dying race
i thought You came to heal
to bring me back to life
but why do i fail
why do i break
why do i still get sick
i called Your name
i screamed in pain
but i sill get hurt
i still feel sick
my mind is confused
things don’t go like i think they should
i want my way to be Your way
but You heal as You so choose
Your redemption is beyond comprehension
Your way is definitely not my own
break my way, my way of thinking
thinking i know how You should operate
i know i am redeemed
i know i’ve been bought
i know You control
even though
i give in still
i let my flesh take control
i willingly turn my face
and breathe in the disease
and act like the rest
this broken dying
flesh of the human race
and yet Lord
You will show Your ace
Your glory will be known
even though
i oft show my own filthy face
it’s all by Your forever beautiful grace
and Your forever glorious face
that good can be done
to this messed up human race
–
live love.
breathe surrender.
with reckless abandon.

epitome of hurt

tim — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 04:39:15 +0000

tape me up
seal me good
get me in the largest strait jacket you can find
pad the locks
throw away the keys
swallow the combo
wrap me up

i need prevention, some intervention
for my actions bring you pain
my words destroying all the same
i break the golden rule
i speak when there’s nothing nice to say
i display the ever unkind
i live the epitome of hurt
all i do is hurt

pass the grey duct
tape my mouth so its ever sealed shut
better yet cut some string
sew this cursed thing
sew those lips and lock up my tongue
it shall be prisoner forever
and hopefully set me free

lock it up
seal it shut
free me, free me from this evil thing
all it does is cause you pain
all it does is bring you down
all it does is things not right

breathing surrender

tim — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 20:45:32 +0000

i need the stomach punch
i need the wind knocked out
the wind of me, my pride, and i
hit me. punch me. break me down.

i need to breathe You in
i need to breathe me out
inhale all of You
drink in Your spirit,
exhale mine all out
pour me out, please pour me out

i’m letting go
i’m breathing out
i’m giving up
i’m breathing out
i surrender, i surrender
i’m breathing surrender

it’s all got to go
it’s all coming out
it’s time to release
to let it all out
surrendering i am
and breathing me out

taking You in
You’re all i could need
You’re all i can breathe
You’re in total control
You never need an ok

i’m letting go
i’m breathing out
i’m giving up
i’m breathing out
i surrender, i surrender
i’m breathing surrender

i’m learning this thing
about being ok
ok with Your choice
ok with Your voice
so i need You in me

i’m breathing by grace
enjoying Your face

i’m letting go
i’m breathing out
i’m giving up
i’m breathing out
i surrender, i surrender
i’m breathing surrender

i’m breathing surrender
exhaling me out
i’m taking You in and sighing relief
breathing surrender is my sigh of relief
singing surrender to breathe Your relief
i’m breathing surrender
i’m singing relief
i’m breathing surrender

the sweet sweet exhale
sighing the breath of surrender

–
live love.
breathe surrender.
with reckless abandon.
hold nothing back.

one

tim — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 04:11:23 +0000

i’ve got no direction
i can’t find rewind
i guess its time to fly
just go with the flow
to where i don’t know
i just want to grow…

looking for pause
but stuck in fast forward
wishing for normal
but meant to live abnormal

you got your act together
i can’t seem to find my scene
the stage is set
the lines unknown
the curtains drawn
looks like it’s time to just go

i’ve only got one shot at this thing called life
i get one chance
no intermissions, no time outs, and not a single re-do
i get one shot at living life
i want to live it for the One called Christ
to live it otherwise would just be a mistake
one huge waste of this gift known as life

play was pushed, action was called
no rehearsal and no reversal
one chance, one shot, one live performance

one goal, one task, one desire
live for the One called Christ
and try not to throw away this gift called life.
–
live love.
with reckless abandon.
hold nothing back.
“preach the gospel at all times. if necessary use words”

lying just to envy

tim — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:42:48 +0000

envious… oh so envious…
lies…i’m lying to myself
saying i am fine and alright
but deep down i know…
that i envy, envy, oh so envious
i tell you that it’s ok
i say if you’re happy then so am i
lying, lying, lying to myself
saying i am fine and alright
when deep inside i know…
that i envy, envy, envy you so much
you got your act together
while i’m searching for my own
i wish you the best but i’m hoping the worst
hypocrisy is my ever favorite verse
lying, lying, lying to myself
saying i am fine and alright
knowing it is all a lie…just a lie…
cause i envy, envy, envy all the time..
it’s like my new pastime
forming one big lie…
that i am ok, ok, ok and doing oh so fine
but i know it’s all a lie..
just one big blatant lie
cause i envy all the time…all the time…

…lying, lying, lying to myself
saying i am fine and alright
when deep inside i know…
that i envy, envy, envy you so much
you got your act together
while i’m searching for my own…

12:50 in the a.m. and i see my self as a liar.

lying to myself just to envy one more day, saying to self your doing ok.

Lord you know i am no where near ok. and even if i were ok, ok is not where i need to be.

we never arrive. we never plateau.

…i wish you the best but i’m hoping the worst
hypocrisy is my ever favorite verse…

silent scream

tim — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:14:09 +0000

i wrote this during pastor davidson’s message tonight.
he was talking about being there for one another, about supporting those who are weak, those who are in need. he mentioned a silent scream and that got me thinking and i grabbed a half piece of paper and started writing this:

they’re falling, failing, and fearing
they’re broken and crying for help
desperate for someone
for one who will hear them and be by their side

can you hear them?
do you hear their silent screams?
it grows louder, their silently screaming, it grows louder
why can’t we hear them?
why don’t we hear them?

when we fall we count on them
yet they fall and we ignore them
we just failed so they’d better be there
but now they’ve failed and we’d rather be anywhere else but there

why don’t we hear them?
i know that we can
so loudly they scream, they silently scream
for help, in need, of love, for just one to be there
to stand by their side

so plastic, so fake, we force them to muffle their cries
and so silently they will scream
if only they could scream with all they are
if only they could make known their hurt and not be afraid
if only they could know it was safe to scream
safe to be real. safe to scream.
let’s melt this plastic for real.

remind them, point them, lead them to the One
the One who always hears, the One who is always there
He loves them more than they can know
but will we hear them?
will we lead them to the One?
the One who is Jesus
the One whose burden is light and will always hear
He hears their cries
listen, listen, listen for their silent screams
don’t let them go unheard
you too may need to scream
no more silent screams. no more silent screams.

this christian community was meant to be one that is safe.
one where we can all scream out loud and not suppress our needs with silence or a show. let’s melt this plastic for real. i got a lot of work to do on both sides of this.
too often i ignore the silent screams or am a cause of the silent scream.
too often i suppress my scream with silence and try to live on my own.
i need to learn to be absolutely dependent on God.
i got a long ways to go…

–
live love.
live love with reckless abandon.
hold nothing back.

so tired

tim — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 06:37:13 +0000

calling this a poem for now.

(first verse)

so tired of confusion
so tired of me
so tired of messing up
so tired of the disrespect i give

(chorus)

life is precious, life is short

i just want to live it right
i just want my life to be what it was meant to be
i just want to do as my Maker wills
i just want to be His

one shot is all i got
at this thing called life
i just want to live it right
i just want to live it through His might

(second verse)

so tired of trying on my own
so tired of giving up
so tired of only giving a part
so tired of saying i believe
then living otherwise

(chorus)

life is precious, life is short

i just want to live it right
i just want my life to be what it was meant to be
i just want to do as my Maker wills
i just want to be His

one shot is all i got
at this thing called life
i just want to live it right
i just want to live it through His might

(bridge)

so tired, so tired, so tired
of getting it wrong
so tired, so tired, so tired
of being my own
so tired, so tired, so tired
of offering trash to the One i love

oh i long to live
oh i long to love
oh i long for Him, to live for Him, to love for Him

(chorus)

life is precious, life is short

i just want to live it right
i just want my life to be what it was meant to be
i just want to do as my Maker wills
i just want to be His

one shot is all i got
at this thing called life
i just want to live it right
i just want to live it through His might

i just want to do this right

i need, said my greed

tim — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 23:43:35 +0000

by my selfish desires,
the line is blurred.

between want and need,
necessity and greed.

to want.
to crave.

what is need.
and what is just desire.

my mind says i need.
but perhaps i simply desire.

i need, said my greed.

possibly a poem…

tim — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 21:27:12 +0000

here it goes…

with you i am so prideful, and full of me.
but so and so brings me humbly to my knees.
he brings out the worst, and she the best.
so who am i really?

always changing, never consistent.
never the same, always different.
i’m so sick of living inconsistent.
i want to be real.
i want change for the best, not just the better.
no more faking. (no more faking)

kind today. so harsh tomorrow.
speaking lies, then claiming truth.
leaning, falling, i’m losing balance i never had.

to be the same.
to achieve balance.
to reach perfection.
can it happen? can it happen?
“be ye perfect as i am perfect”
“ask and it shall be given unto you”

Lord change me.
make me…
to be real.
to truly believe.
to fully trust.
to consistently change for the best.
Lord this i pray.

’cause i’m
always changing, never consistent.
never the same, always different.
i’m so sick of living inconsistent.
i want to be real.
i want change for the best, not just the better.
no more faking. (no more faking)