live love.

well.
the year of 2008 is about over.
i haven’t posted in a while.
partially due to basketball season having started, partially due to me being lazy, and partially due to me having a hard time to put things into words.
i feel like i have learned and grown alot this past yr.
but at the same time i feel like i have just continued to be inconsistent.
i still waste too much of my life.
i still treat my God like feces way too often, then turn around and say i love Him.
i know these struggles will never go away. and i know its a constant process of growing and becoming holy, but still i hate how i so often live.
i really don’t know how else to say it other than quoting paul when he says the things i want to do i don’t do and the things i don’t want to do those are the things i do.
and not to put paul on a pedestal or anything but he was pretty good at this christianity thing.
as discouraged as i get and as often as it seems like i will never live one moment correctly for my Maker it’s nice to know paul wasn’t perfect and still had flaws. it’s nice to know that david, who is described as a man after God’s own heart committed some of the most atrocious sins possible.
i’m not making excuses.
i’m not trying to create a cop out.
i’m attempting to view things realistically.
i’m trying to look at life through the lens of absolute truth.
so 2008 is gone.
it amazes me how people make such a big deal about the new year.
what makes today, tonight, and tomorrow morning so special.
woo hoo it’s a new year?
nothing feels different.
feels like any other day to me at least.
and i still have to continue my current year of school even though it is a new calendar year. maybe that is what bothers me the most about it.
maybe i’m just being a pessimist.
i have no problem with celebrating the new upcoming year, i just think we go a bit overboard sometimes. but at the exact same time i would love to be in new york city, standing in time square when the ball drops tonight. to experience all the energy and excitement.
call me a hypocrite. cause i am.
i don’t want to be. but i’m not going to lie to myself and say i’m not either.
i still will end up staying up till midnight.
i will still tell people happy new year im sure.
but i just gotta wonder in the grand scheme of things is it really that big of a deal.
why don’t we celebrate each new day as we do each new year?
we are not even promised the next second let alone the next day.
but hey let’s celebrate the possibility of a new 365 days, and the 365 we just finished up and will never get back.
i suppose the whole idea of celebrating a new year, or blogging about it as i am now does serve some purpose.
if it causes one to evaluate the life and year they have already lived.
i can see good in that.
if it causes one to wonder about how much time and how much life he has already wasted and thrown away.
i can see good in that.
i’ve wasted far too much already.
but i should be evaluating that every moment not once a year.
i’ve rambled enough.
i don’t always make sense.
this will be my last post for the year 2008.
but hey have a happy new year.
try not to waste the time you are given. it is not easy in the least.
i wish i could say its easy look at me i’ve done it. but that is far from the truth.
i’m the biggest waster of life and time there is.
and yet God redeems.
–
live love.
breathe surrender.
with reckless abandon.
hold nothing back.

This entry was posted Wednesday, December 31st, 2008 at 4:53 pm and is filed under blog, life, me being me, thoughts. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.