live love.

had to write a memoir for english class here it is. (caps are present only because i copied and pasted from what i had to type to turn in, i apologize for that)

Summer of 2005, missions trip to Belgium, my world view began to change as the blurred vision of cars moved past me. The smell of gasoline. The taste of salty tears. The sound of cars filling up at the little gas station beside me. Little European cars . Little European gas station. Little European houses across the street. All flood my senses, to the point of overloading my mental state. Thousands of miles from home. From California. From America. In the country of Belgium where seemingly everyone is white skinned and either catholic or has rejected anything close to religion or God. The world is big. It’s huge. So far from everything I had ever known and yet I’m surrounded. Surrounded by the crowds of people I had only known in theory, by the buildings and places rumored to exist. It was all real now. Legit. True. I had seen the crowds, walked beneath the buildings and sensed the lack of hope. Finally beginning to grasp the vastness of this world broke me. Feeling so tiny, so miniscule, so trivial when held against the growing number of the world’s population, and yet this huge world, this vast number of human beings in existence is small. Is tiny. Is miniscule when compared with the Maker of it all. The Maker and Creator is so much more than what I know. Is so much more than what I am surrounded by. So much more than I can imagine. So much more and yet He died for the littleness that humanity is. So much more yet so few know. So few claim the hope and truth the Creator offers. So many live a life only to waste it. So few live a life worthwhile. I can’t comprehend it all. It blows my mind. It makes my being spin with confusion and awe. It hurts to think of possibly wasting my life. It hurts to think of others not only wasting their lives but existing forever apart from their Maker and Savior. What am I doing? How am I living? Am I helping or hurting. Fixing or breaking. Building up or tearing down. Living love or living self.

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